I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
