Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
