So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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