I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
