I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Do vagina's smell?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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