It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize