I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
