so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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