sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
