just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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