someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
