I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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