How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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