It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
