You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
They are going to name an STD after you.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
