I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
