My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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