fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize