We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
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