Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
