Cold hands, warm shart.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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