Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
we're so committed to being not committed
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
