I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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