Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
