the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
