thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
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I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
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The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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