In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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