We won't sleep together?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
