Jerry, you need to find god
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
