She said her name was "party"
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
