Screwed.edu
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
