Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize
