First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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