i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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