I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
