Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
