YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
