I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
