first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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