I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
