and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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