so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
