I cockslap morals
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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