When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
