I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Let's paint friendship bongs
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
