My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
