Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
