just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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