The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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