i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
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