She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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