you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
