if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i will never coherently bang her
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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