your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You're like the curious george of whores
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
