you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Randomize
