Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
