I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
