Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
