He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
