He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize