After last night, I could never be a politician.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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