ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
