Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Randomize
