hell yes lets make some ravioli
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
