drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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