i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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